I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
