Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
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We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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