All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
