just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
