You're a womanizer and a bitch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need to align my fucking chakras
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