went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
