I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
