You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
