Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
