I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
