So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
