oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
