dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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