Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
