the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
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a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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