You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
