is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
