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Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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