i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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