I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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