And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize