Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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