This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
