watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my being single is dangerous.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
