The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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