fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey