I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room