YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.