so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My liver is preforming stress tests.