is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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