do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires