just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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