Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he shaved USA in his pubs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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