So drunk its hurt
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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