pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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