I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
