you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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