I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm too high and old for this...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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