Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
