I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Randomize
