Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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