we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
