What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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