Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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