Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
