my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
