bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My feet surprised me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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