my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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