I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize