Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
