cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
