but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
