My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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