I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
