I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize